Tangled in a World Wide Web

Before my daughter was born, I wrote (OK, pilfered, paraphrased, and possibly plagiarized) a blog entry titled 99 things I hope to teach my daughter. Now, here we are, more than seven months in and I thought I'd share seven things I've learned. The things that she's learned had nothing to do with me. The things I've learned are all because of her. There is nothing better than the great big grin on her face when I walk into a room. There is no sound sweeter than her laugh. I can change diapers, wipe snotty noses and clean up spit up without a hazmat suit or throwing up. Not all babies look like aliens (it seems most don't in fact). Babies go through a LOT of diapers and baby wipes. A. Freaking. Lot. Eat, sleep, pee, eat, sleep, poop, eat, sleep, pee, and repeat. I have a lot to learn. (But I've learned a lot.) One bonus item that isn't on the numbered list only because it isn't technically from the baby... Mommy's job never ends. T...

With the approach of the holidays, I find myself in the familiar and unenviable position of being torn between all the blessings I should be thankful for and remembering that this is my first ever Thanksgiving without my mom. This is complicated by the fact that this week also marks the seven month anniversary of her death. Hard to imagine. My mom loved the holidays. The food, the fellowship, the family, the food. So many things remind me of her. So many little things. This will be an event. We are going to go to my sister's as I have most years when I could. Eating in the same place we had Thanksgiving last year with my mom. I don't know how to prepare for this. I don't like being ill prepared. Much less unprepared. I am writing this mostly as a cathartic exercise in hopes it will help. I am not fooled. I am not naive. Maybe a little desperate. I am trying not to imagine Christmas. That is a whole other ball game. And it falls on the eight month anniversary of my mom...

Three weeks after my last post, I lost my mom, quite suddenly. It's been nearly four months and I am no closer to understanding, no closer to acceptance, and certainly no closer to OK. This, just two weeks before my beautiful daughter was born. Mom had been so excited about my first child. A child no one ever expected. A grandchild she had given up on. (Yes, she has four awesome and monstrously talented grandkids she saw daily, but none from me.) At forty-five (when we found out) no one was as surprised as I was. No one was more excited than my mom. Every time I talked to her, she asked (usually her first words) "do we have a baby yet". The last time I called (the night before the morning I got "the call" was no exception. I told her soon. We talked about how we would get up there as soon as we could after so she could see the baby. I told her I would call her again soon. She sounded tired and I didn't want to aggravate an already delicate balance. (Another...

I am in my mid forties and about to have my first child. It is and has already been life-altering, eye-opening, scary, exciting and so many things. I recently ran across a blog or article that intrigued me and so I did what anyone would, I copied it and pasted it and combed through and modified it to my own personality and beliefs. I expect more than a few of these will change over the years at least to some degree and most likely I’ll end up learning as much as she. But for now, in all my ignorance, this is what I hope to instill in this wonderful, beautiful, little person that is part me and part Jennifer. I hope and pray that the parts of each of us are the right parts.   (I apologize that I forgot to get the link or author’s name as some of these are all but unchanged and plagiarism is not my goal.) You are absolutely and undeniably unique.  You are one of a kind; there is no one else exactly like you in the world.  BE YOURSELF.  If so...