Tangled in a World Wide Web

This one came to me on yet another sleepless night, about 2 in the morning, as I lay next to her sleeping, beautiful as always, right next to me, but out of reach.   RWH  8/23/2025   Too Late Too Soon I miss your body wrapped in mine -  two halves that make a whole. I miss your laugh and tender kiss -  the intertwining of our souls. I miss that smile that was just for me, that told the world she's mine.  I miss the hands that once held me when everything was fine.  I miss the way we used to talk about our day, our life. I miss the glow that shone around the day you became my wife.  I miss the man I used to be who felt like he was strong. I miss the way you made me feel like I could do no wrong.  I'm still the man who looks at you like you are just a dream -  beauty that all the years can't hide, that doesn't come from a cream. I'm still the man who wants nothing more  than to always be by your side.  It fills me with a confiden...

  While no one is paying attention, I think I'll use this space and time to dump some writings as a sort of backup. Mostly poems that I've written over the last few months, as my life imploded. I am trying to rebuild, and it is sometimes overwhelming. The future I thought I had, the one I never expected and didn't think I deserved, came crashing down around me. Some might say the past caught up to me, but the present is the worst. I suppose if you're unlucky enough to be reading this, you probably know what is going on; if not, it doesn't matter, because this is just a backup and a catharsis. You're invited to my misery in the form of poetry and other ramblings. Feel free to comment if you want, but please be gentle. These are my rawest emotions, bled out on the page... or screen. This poem is called Dragon Slayer, and I guess even if you don't know me from Adam's housecat, you can figure out the gist of my crumbling world. Dragon Slayer If you'd hav...

 I know it's been quite a while since I wrote anything here, and I doubt that anyone is paying attention. There weren't many paying attention when I was writing somewhat regularly. A lot has happened since my last post, and I want to use this as my therapy, my catharsis, my outlet, and in some cases just a place to park my ramblings that might seem worth revisiting again later. I have lost much of my writing... poems and such, that I naively assumed would be safe forever on someone else's website. Between that (twice) and hard copies of older stuff (pre-interwebs) that have just been misplaced or possibly destroyed, I have lost some forever. Occasionally, I lament the loss for various reasons. I know no one else will even notice, but it's like a piece of me that is missing. Before I had kids, I might have described my writings as my children, but that seems a bit strong when I have real breathing offspring that I helped create and hopefully will have a bigger and better...

 It's been a little over seven years since I have posted a new blog entry. I don't expect even the most ardent of followers are waiting on the edge of their seat for another installment. Nevertheless, I felt the urge to follow up the last post " Seven Things I've Learned in Seven Months " with an update. Better late than never. Here is a list of seven things I've learned in the seven years since becoming a father: That beautiful, sweet girl from a few years ago has been replaced by a mouthy, brat with an attitude that sometimes tests my reluctance to go to jail.  A houseful of females can get quite tense long before 3/4 of them even have periods. Gives new meaning to PMS (PRE-menstrual). Sometimes (far too often) I see or hear myself in one of my kids.  Sometimes, I see or hear my mom come right out of my mouth.  No one can hurt me quite like my kids. I owe my mom so many apologies. How I wish I could. I have learned a great deal but I still have so much to le...

Before my daughter was born, I wrote (OK, pilfered, paraphrased, and possibly plagiarized) a blog entry titled 99 things I hope to teach my daughter. Now, here we are, more than seven months in and I thought I'd share seven things I've learned. The things that she's learned had nothing to do with me. The things I've learned are all because of her. There is nothing better than the great big grin on her face when I walk into a room. There is no sound sweeter than her laugh. I can change diapers, wipe snotty noses and clean up spit up without a hazmat suit or throwing up. Not all babies look like aliens (it seems most don't in fact). Babies go through a LOT of diapers and baby wipes. A. Freaking. Lot. Eat, sleep, pee, eat, sleep, poop, eat, sleep, pee, and repeat. I have a lot to learn. (But I've learned a lot.) One bonus item that isn't on the numbered list only because it isn't technically from the baby... Mommy's job never ends. T...

With the approach of the holidays, I find myself in the familiar and unenviable position of being torn between all the blessings I should be thankful for and remembering that this is my first ever Thanksgiving without my mom. This is complicated by the fact that this week also marks the seven month anniversary of her death. Hard to imagine. My mom loved the holidays. The food, the fellowship, the family, the food. So many things remind me of her. So many little things. This will be an event. We are going to go to my sister's as I have most years when I could. Eating in the same place we had Thanksgiving last year with my mom. I don't know how to prepare for this. I don't like being ill prepared. Much less unprepared. I am writing this mostly as a cathartic exercise in hopes it will help. I am not fooled. I am not naive. Maybe a little desperate. I am trying not to imagine Christmas. That is a whole other ball game. And it falls on the eight month anniversary of my mom...